The harsh reality of it all.

I'm off to New York for a month, I'll have my own kitchen a massive choice of food, and I'll be shoving in as much protein and fat as I can. After that, I'll be running my body on carbs like everyone else, and the thought of it totally blows.

I've tried to think of ways to do it, I've read and I've asked and I've scratched my head while chewing the end of my pencil, but I don't really believe it to be possible.

To eat rawleo while moving around and get a healthy balance and a good variation, it's not going to happen. I'm sad. I still won't eat wheat gluten or sugar, but that's all I can do until I have the funds to employ a personal chef to travel with me. Back on paleo when I'm 60 then. Awesome.

I'm so annoyed I've been shoving in fruit and chocolate all day and acting like I don't give a shit. Sometimes I do this, when it starts to go a bit wrong, I get defiant and do exactly the opposite of what I know I should do. 400g of dark chocolate in 2 days, couldn't give a fuck how many nutrients or not nutrients I'm getting.

Little white flag waved.

Rawleo a go go..........ot oh spaghettio

My recent stint of some comfy nights in a lovely hotel, followed by some long circus days in Brussels exploring new things and being Korean Cadence, was more than slightly tainted I'm afraid. My utter dismay about the lack of my own coconut oil fueled frying pan kinda pissed on my sweet potato chips.

I really tried my best when we ate out to go high protein and fat, low carb. The following is an example of the best I could do. ot oh spaghettio. Doesn't look good does it.

I made my peace with the sugar filled sticky sauce all over the pork skewers, I scraped most of it off. I didn't eat the prawn crackers. The egg was the first thing to go down, I wanted to ask for ten more. I didn't eat the rice............until it sat in front of me for ages looking all tasty, while everyone talked and drank coffee, I got bored of looking at it and tasted a bit. Then tasted the rest. It tasted really good actually.

by the fourth night I gave up, hungry and tired, I went to town on pizza with everyone else, like my life depended on eating my own body mass in dough.  Fuck it.

Lesson learned, hungry belly is less painful than a wheat belly. I felt like I gained 5 kilo over night. I was totally lost and defeated by this point.

During the daytime, I just picked at stuffs between training. Stuffs like Dark chocolate, goji's and cocoa beans, fruit, veg, raw chocolate, macadamia and such. It's looking rather chocolate heavy isn't it, and rather carb heavy, maybe not the healthiest of training diets, but it was all I could get my paws on.

I was psyched when I found a good organic deli one lunchtime and got ham and veggies, I gulped down 300g of beenham in ten seconds. Hell - o Pro - tein!

But, I can't live on ham and veg everyday, I was totally craving for steak.  

Basically, Rawleo a go go sucks. I've hit a brick wall. My cortisol levels are freaking out just thinking about it.

What's a circus kid to do? Looks like I might get really skinny really soon, not good circus flyer skinny, more like Nicole Richie circa 2007 skinny. not. cool.

When I got home I hugged my frying pan for a while, and wanted to lay myself flat on top of the oven and tell it how much it meant to me. I went straight to the Eko plaza and resisted my urges to kiss every member of staff. I went to my favorite organic butcher and wanted to ask him to be my husband and take me away to his farm forever more (He'd have totally said yes). 

Then, to the kitchen, to make up for lost time..............

Lamb and veggies

beef and veggies

sweet tatties in coconut oil

chicken and vegges

more lamb

shit loads of beef and veggies

Obviously not all on the same day, but I could have managed it!!

Since I got back I've been pondering (and sulking) about how the hell I'm going to get the best of both my worlds, I want to be a circus superkid and travel far and wide, to do that and stay super I have to eat well, it looks impossible right now.  I've taken for granted being a circus superkid with kitchen.

Can I have my steak and eat it?? That's the question, I'm a bit scared of the answer.


A recent eureka moment happened last week, it made me feel a whole lot better in an instant. Me and a hungry circus boy went to the wok and go, I realised if I picked my meat, and veg, and asked them to hold off on the sauce, rice or noodles, you got a paleo dinner!! Bon apetito! 

When I asked for no sauce, rice or noodles the counter girls eyebrows nearly flew off the top of her head in surprise, well, I say 'eyebrows' they were actually two black felt tip lines where her eyebrows once stood, anyway, eventually they subsided and she agreed. I resisted the urge to ask the chef to use the coconut oil that lives in my bag.

Glimmer of hope for the future, however small it may be. let's hope every town has a wok and go. Let's hope someone has some good ideas about how to do this on the run.

Sengersbroek, Bonte Bentheimers, and ethical meat eating

Long time no post, bad blogger, I've been busy being a circus machine, thorry.

Don't worry though, I'm here now, and happy to have a spare half hour to finally get round to telling you about my favorite lady on the market, Her name is Teresa, she's a total joy, and she's from Sengersbroek farm! 

Some interesting books about meat!

On that cool little farm they raise Bonte Bentheimer pigs, I think they have around 60, maybe more, this type of pig is native to Holland. It's kinda rare to get them now, as more commercial and profitable pigs became available. Well, you probably know how I feel about commercial and profitable, I needn't say more, 'nuff respect, these guys are keeping it old school!

What I like about this farm, is that they're really nice to their pigs before they let you eat them, they let them roam around eating grass and having a happy time, she told me how she got sad when they have to send one up to piggy heaven. It is sad, but it's the natural order of things, and way more natural to eat a happy animal who's been having a pleasant time hanging with it's piggy friends before it's laying on your plate.

You can also go and stay at the farm, like a B and B, I'm sure you get really nice sausages for breakfast. 

The best ham on the market!!

Sengersbroek Farm website!

I've met quite a few vegetarians during my time on Paleo who comment on my vast meat consumption, and say they're vegetarian because it's more ethical to live that way. Hhhmmmm, I'm not convinced, I respect their choice and all, but, I'm not sure cutting out meat does the job when it comes to being a more ethical eater, you have to do a lot more than that. Here is why.

Article -Is eating meat ethical - Marks daily apple 

I lived in a vegetarian house quite recently for a month, I had no idea it was a vegetarian house when I moved in, apparently they'd been told I was a raw food vegan so were happy for me to live there. Whooops! get with the times, raw food vegan was so 5 months ago! 

One person actually asked me not to keep my meat in their fridge, because they didn't want to look at it, slightly awkward moment. Like somehow pretending people didn't actually eat meat made them feel better. From that point on I was very aware of the smell coming from my sizzling bacon in coconut oil and filling the whole house. I'm sure it was enough to make them want to become very unethical all of a sudden. My mouth is watering just from typing the words sizzling, and bacon.